Saying Goodbye to Nursing

Just to warn anyone out there who is male and reading this blog (which would be a little weird anyway). This is definitely a chick entry if one couldn't tell from the title.

Samuel is now 9 months old and so much fun. Already cruising around furniture. Smiling and laughing, tackling his brother, saying mama and dada and baba. There is one mile stone that I wasn't ready for yet and that way self weaning.

I was beginning to think about the possibility of weaning at one year. I wondered how a mother would do it. Would I give him a bottle or, just skip the bottle and go strait to a sippy cup? Would I give him formula for older babies or just cows milk? It came as a total surprise that I wasn't going to be the one to decide when I should stop nursing. About a week ago Samuel just refused me. He had never done anything like this before. He wasn't sick, teething, congested, or not hungry. He just flat out didn't want me. I kept on trying for a couple of days. I always offered up the goods before the bottle but it always was the same result. He wasn't screaming when I offered he just looked up at me with a rather plane face almost saying, "what is this?"

I am really sad about this. I wanted to be able to do a full year. A part of me is in the emotional throws of wanting to comfort and nurture my baby. The other part of me feels a bit like a failure. I explained to my husband that I feel like a marathon runner who at week before the big race broke her leg. During my nursing journey (and every part of it is a journey) I dealt with several bouts of mastitis. Even a time when he wouldn't except a bottle. I struggled at the beginning with feeling as though I was carrying the load of motherhood on my own. Around the 6 month mark, I felt as though I could come up for air. Like, I finally got the swing of things but I didn't see this coming at all.

There are definitely positives to this but for now I am coping with the fact that this is the end of a phase and that my baby will soon be a toddler.